Recently, I have been struggling with trusting Yahweh with my future.
It had been a subtle underlying thing that I had, for the most part, ignored. Most of it seemed so innocent. Maybe a thought here, or a dream there. None of that is wrong, but I had continually dwelt on that thought or that dream. I had “chewed” on it too long. I had chewed on it so long that it was nasty, but I didn’t want to spit it out. I wanted to keep those thoughts and those dreams.
It was the battle for the flesh. My flesh was winning–every time–and I wanted to stop it.
I tried everything that I could think of to stop it. I verbally talked to myself saying, “Peyton! What do you think you are doing? You must stop this!” I also put my hands into fists and beat the air. Nothing seemed to be working! I was frustrated and wanted answers. Why could I not STOP? I was angry inside, and sometimes that anger was displayed toward my family members. That frustrated me even more.
Finally one morning, I sat down to read my Bible and my hand moved to my journal.
I knew it was time to get things straight with Yahweh. I began to write:
“Sometimes it is hard to trust God and what He has in store for me. I don’t know what the next year holds and where He’ll lead me, but I need to trust Him with all my heart. It seems the struggle gets harder at times, and at other times I don’t have a struggle at all.”
Then I wrote the words I’d resisted:
“Yahweh, I surrender my future to you. Pry it out of my hands and keep it from my reach. Help me to live for today!….Let each moment be for Your glory. Satisfy my heart with Your presence. Strengthen my faith….Yahweh, I want to lay it all down again. I have taken some things back and tried to do them my own way. Please forgive me…..May today be a day that I start a new journey. I am nineteen years old and I start anew and afresh. I desire You, Yahweh, and none other. Make Your path clear for me in Your timing. Help me to trust Your timing.”
From that morning on, I have surrendered all.
Surrender never happens once and then it is over with. We have to daily surrender to Yahweh. May each of us grow closer to the Creator and surrender our lives to Him. We cannot surrender alone and we cannot stop things on our own. We need Yahweh to get us through.